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Can't Go Without Page 17
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“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I question, not following him.
“Seems to me that you and this Tristan keep getting shoved together one way or another and there’s got to be a reason for it, but you two are too blind and dumb to see the big picture,” my dad states. Jill curls her lips in, trying to hide her smile.
My dad’s face looks sympathetic and concerned, and he continues, “Now, I never tell you what to do, but honey you have got to get your head out of your ass and start living your life… start looking toward your future. Your mom’s been gone a long time, and when someone you love that much dies, you owe it to them, owe it to your mother, to live your life.”
“But Dad—”
“No Leah, I mean it. Your mom’s life is over. It’s only fair that you at least try to live the one she gave you.”
“Dude, where’s your tan?” I ask, hugging Ade and thumping him on the back. “Nice braids, sis.” A skeptical, surprised look flashes across Kathryn’s face. I’m being an ass. I just wanted to see how she’d react to “sis.”
“Let’s just say we didn’t spend too much time outside of our bungalow,” Adrian smirks, smacking Kathryn on the ass. “How were things back here?”
Piper laughs while Rory snorts. “Well let’s see,” Piper says, pretending to think. “Anything new here? Hmmmm… I don’t think so. Rory? Anything new?”
“Not that I can think of,” Rory says, shrugging. They both look at each other and bust out laughing while Adrian stares at them confused.
“They did what?” Kathryn screams from the other side of the restaurant, talking to Sydney and Lanette.
Then all at the same time, we yell, “Welcome home!” and balloons drop from the ceiling of the Oasis as Kathryn comes running over.
Hugging Rory, she says, “I’m so happy for you, Rory. You deserve this… and to save the Oasis… oh my God… you guys are the best.”
Once she lets go of Rory, she hugs me tightly and whispers, “Looks like true kindness runs in the family, big brother.” As Kathryn walks away, I can finally see her through Ade’s eyes. She’s one of the good ones. She’s forgiving and kind with an open heart and mind. The best kind of woman. (Not exactly hot, though.)
“Would someone please fucking tell me what’s going on around here,” Adrian pleads, as everyone laughs and hugs him.
Rory and Piper lead him over to Lanette, with Kathryn trailing closely behind them. Everyone is laughing and telling stories. For the first time in my life, I look at my family and feel proud—of them and Hell, of myself, too. Standing here, I realize that my dad was somewhat right. My past, the man I used to be, was dim. But looking at Piper, Adrian, and even Kathryn and Rory, I can see that my future looks bright. Oh yeah, thanks for that Corey Hart. No, I’m going to say one damn thing about “wearing shades.”
After eating more fried food than one should in a year and spending the day listening to coma-inducing stories about a place called “Iguana Island” and looking at countless pictures of caves, everyone decided they needed to get going. Truthfully, they probably wanted to gouge out their eyes with acid-coated toothpicks and pour lemon juice in the empty sockets, because I had just put that on the agenda of things that I’d rather be doing.
Getting up to leave, Adrian stops me and says, “Piper and I are gonna walk ya home.”
“I’m sure I can manage, but thanks anyway,” I laugh, shaking my head. “Charleston sure brings out the pussy in you, little bro.”
“Just walk with us,” Piper urges, looping her arms through ours. As we walk down the street, Adrian clears his throat, and Piper announces, “Tristan, we want you to stay.”
“Oh, you do, do you?” I say, chuckling—kind of surprised actually. “I thought I humiliated you two?”
“Well you do,” Adrian says, laughing. “But I like having someone around who’s fuglier and dumber than me—makes me look good.”
“The only thing that makes you look good, Ade, is a pitch black room,” I counter, missing the childish jabs we used to shoot at each other. “I appreciate that… but… I’m already a step ahead of you. I resigned at OI three days ago… and I put an offer on a beach house over on Folly.”
Adrian and Piper stop abruptly and stare at me. “What?” I ask, looking at them.
“We thought… we kind of expected… that we were gonna have to keep you here against your will,” Piper explains. The stunned look on her face very closely mirrors the look on Adrian’s face.
“Alright,” I say remembering the old tormenting phrase that I used to force them to say when we were growing up. “I’m only going to say this once, so you better enjoy it while you can. You guys were right. I was wrong. Y’all are number one; I’m number 456. You’re the best. I’m the worst.”
“596,” Piper corrects.
“4596,” Adrian argues.
“Okay! Okay! I’ve been a dickhead. I got it okay,” I say, approaching the hotel. “I’ve been able to see things a little differently these past few weeks. When dad came here a few days ago—”
“Dad was here?” Piper asks. “Are you joking me right now?”
“Oh, I’m sure he was,” Adrian says, nonplussed. “His pride and joy was joining the dark side… and I think Beverly, one of his skanky mistresses, still lives here, too.”
“I’m hardly his pride and joy,” I argue, nodding to the bellman out front as Adrian hugs him, and Piper kisses him on the cheek. We walk into the lobby and wait for the elevator.
“Oh puuuleeease,” Piper exaggerates, rolling her eyes. “You can’t possibly believe that. He certainly never looked at you and said, ‘sure wish Tristan wouldn’t have found you. All you’ve ever been is an overdramatic burden to this family.’ Dick.” she recalls, giving me chills as I can vividly hear those cold, heartless words coming from my father.
“Oh yeah, those were his exact words to me. Thank you very much. So, don’t think for a minute you weren’t his favorite,” Piper argues.
Adrian and I both shudder at the thought of my father saying those words to our baby sister. Adrian wraps an arm around her, and Piper puts her head on his chest. Fuck, I’m lucky to have them. “He is such a son-of-a-bitch. I’m sorry Pipe.”
“Hey, I’m over it,” Piper says, fluffing her hair overdramatically. “Sometimes.”
“He told me once that he didn’t know why they even had a second son when the first one was already perfection,” Adrian admits, easily, as if there was no pain behind those words. How could that admission not tear him up? Am I the only O’Donnell kid who really cared what my overbearing and controlling father thought?
“Then he said that I’d never be better than number two.” Adrian’s face contorts as realization hits, and he starts laughing. “Hey, do you think he was calling me number two as in second place or number two as in ‘shit’?”
“Both,” Piper and I say together. As we all look at each other, we realize that we’ve all been terrorized by our father for entirely too long. Fuck that man.
“Uhh yeah, I don’t think he ever thought I was perfection,” I confess, knowing that if I’m ever going to tell them the truth, then now is as good a time as any.
“Actually, he told me that he wished I were an abortion… and that he begged Mom to abort me, but she wouldn’t do it… I was just a mistake… a disappointment and a mistake.” The look on their faces tells me that they really had no idea that our father despised us all equally. “Then, when I started working at OI, I had to sign a contract, agreeing to never have kids.”
“What?” Adrian asks, his mouth dropping. “You didn’t sign it, did you?”
“Of course I did,” I admit. “Anything for the old man’s approval.”
“Well, we’ve gotta get you out of that contract T,” Adrian decides.
“Yeah Tri-stand,” Piper agrees, “you’re gonna be a great dad someday.”
“Nah, this is one thing that I think Dad is right about,” I say, unlocking my hotel room door. “I’m not cu
t out to be responsible for anyone else—I can barely take care of myself. I’m not father-material.”
“Well, you are almost 30. I guess you’d know by now,” Piper agrees, flopping down on my bed. “I’m just glad you’re staying. When can we go see the house over on Folly?”
“A few days, I think. Let’s see if they take my offer first,” I say. “I’m going back to New Hampshire at the end of the month or so to get all my crap. Lafferty’s bringing some stuff down tomorrow.”
“Lafferty’s coming here?” Piper squeals, jumping up and down on the bed. “I cannot wait to see ‘otosan.’ Oh my God, I’m so excited.”
“Yeah Pipe, maybe you really can put your plan in motion,” Adrian urges, laughing.
“Oh my God… YES! Lanette and Lafferty! Perfect,” she yells, fisting the air.
Cracking up, I say, “Oh yeah right.”
“What? It’s perfect. They both need someone. Why not?” Piper asks dejectedly.
“Yeah T, tell her why not,” Adrian goads, chuckling.
“She doesn’t know? She has to know,” I argue.
Adrian shakes his head, laughing harder. “Piper,” I say surprised at her inability to figure this one out. “Lafferty’s gay.”
Piper’s mouth opens. Her eyes nearly bulge out of her head as she falls in a heap on the bed. “Otosan is gay? Since when?”
“I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say, ‘forever.’” I joke. Adrian doubles over in laughter. “Can’t believe you didn’t know,” I say stunned. “You’re usually so tuned in to people. I figured you knew.”
“No way! I had no idea—oh my God! He has to meet my British Lit. professor. I’ve gotta text Jose. This is perfect,” Piper jumps off the bed and heads to the door. “I’m glad I have both of my brothers back.”
When she leaves, Adrian stares at me, smiling. “I used to think that I had the most fucked up parents in history.”
“Used to… I’m pretty sure we do.”
“Yeah T, ‘used to.’ Think about it, they can’t be that bad if they raised the three of us,” he thumps me on the back, and says, “I’m glad you’re staying, man. I missed you.”
“Hey Ade,” I call before he leaves. “Thanks, bro.”
After the door closes, I decide that for the first time in a while, I feel good. I check my email on my phone, looking for any new incoming emails. None. Ah well, it’s for the best. The past is past. It’s the future I need to start worrying about. Drudging up things from the past never turns out well anyway. Fuck, moving on. Can’t keep pussying around.
Maybe when I get moved in for good, I’ll start thinking about settling down, finding a chick to keep the bed warm for me. It seems to be the next phase of natural progression—what people expect from a man my age. I guess it’s time for the next phase of my life. Time to grow up, Tristan.
What the Hell am I talking about? Fuck that; it’s too hot down here anyway to share a bed and to find someone to keep it warm. The bed will be warm enough when I want it warmed up—not on a nightly occurrence. I like sleeping from corner-to-corner anyway. Ain’t no room for someone to start cramping my style. Nah, I’m not looking to settle down. I’m just glad that Ade and Piper no longer see me as the fucked up, asshole Scrooge they thought I was. As for everyone else, they can all go to Hell.
I decide that I’m going to take advantage of the workout room and pool. I haven’t done shit in a long time, and it’s starting to show. Changing clothes and putting on socks and tennis shoes, I grab my swim trunks and key card, figuring I’ll hit the gym and then hit the pool. I open the door of my hotel room.
“Holy fuck! What’re you doing here?” I say, staring at Leah Franchetti as she’s about to walk away from my hotel room door.
Leah stands up straight, squares off her shoulders, and turns around to face me. “Why’d you leave?” she boldly asks, her face full of questions and concern.
“When? What do you mean?” I ask.
“That morning Tristan. Why’d you leave?”
“Shit Leah, I don’t know,” I admit. I lean up against the hallway wall. “What are you even doing here?”
“I asked you first, Tristan. I think you owe me an explanation,” she says seriously, taking a deep breath as she composes herself and searches for courage.
“I owe you an explanation? What about you? Don’t you think—?”
“Of course, I owe you an explanation… and an apology. But, I’d really like the truth, Tristan. It’s been three years. I’d like to know what happened that morning,” she asks again.
Unlocking my door, I open it and motion for her to enter. Relenting, I say, “Yeah, we probably should air some shit out.” I watch her walk past me, inhaling her scent. Suntan lotion. Coconut. Heaven.
I feel the past come flashing back. I know I just told myself that it’s best to keep the past in the past, but what if your past was supposed to be your future all along? What if you demolished it so badly that it’s time to start mending the fences, broken splinter by broken splinter? What if it’s time to rebuild it all?
“Wanna drink?” I ask opening the mini bar, wondering how much money I’m going to owe this place by the end of my stay.
“Uh no,” Leah answers abruptly. Softening, she smiles and says, “We wouldn’t want a repeat of last time now, would we?”
Holy fuck. Hold the damn phone. She wants a repeat of last time. Chicks don’t say shit like that unless they want it. She fucking wants a replay. I know a “come on” when I hear one. Son of a bitch, Leah Franchetti fucking wants me. It’s about time too. Christ. And guess the fuck what? I want her. I want her so bad I can taste it, can taste her in my mouth.
“I don’t know about you, Franchetti, but I sure as fuck do,” I admit, not holding anything back. “I’d like to put that shit on continuous replay if you want the truth.”
“Easy killer,” she says, sitting on the bed, crossing her legs. I pull up the desk chair, jarring my memory of hotel rooms and desk chairs. What a memory it is too! I straddle the chair, sitting directly in front of her. Just being around her makes me want to throw her down on the bed and do hot, nasty things to her.
Holy shit, she dressed for this shit, too. Girls in sexy sundresses are hot as shit. Chicks know they turn guys to goo when they wear them too. People from the south would think it’s freezing here, but coming down from the artic north Leah’s wearing a sundress and a little sweater. This is an ambush—a fucking make-me-hard, make-me-stammer, make-me-dumb-as-slush ambush. Any time a girl’s in a girlie flowy dress, she’s trying to bring a man to his knees and remind him how womanly she really is and that a sweet, succulent piece of Heaven is right below that thin material just waiting for him to surrender.
“Where’s Sam-mule, the jackass?” I ask.
“Your answers first, Tristan,” Leah states, not budging.
“What was the question, again?” I ask, not taking my eyes from her legs. “Got a little distracted.” We’re back to being Tristan and Leah, bantering and flirting, hot as Hell and cold as ice.
“Why’d you leave?” she asks again, pulling my chin up, forcing me to look her in the eyes. I’m digging this full-force, straightforwardness. It’s definitely new, not something that we ever tried before. No more games. No more false pretenses.
“Because… because… I’m the dumbest fucking man on the planet,” I admit. I’m not fucking around with her anymore. I’m going to tell her the truth, so help me God. If she wants to execute me, fry me like the bastard I am, then she’ll know the fucking truth when she watches me sear, dying a slow, painful, remorseful death.
“That’s not a straight answer,” she points out. “It’s just stating the obvious.”
“Okay, harsh, but true,” I concur, nodding my head. “Leah, I woke up… saw your face… and bailed. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.”
“What? My face? You egotistical asshole!” she screams, standing up, coming face-to-face with me.
“No! No, no, no, that is
not what I mean,” I backpedal. “The bruises… all that swelling… the night was hazy. We drank… a lot. Too much.” I reach for her hand. Leah pulls it away from me and places it on her hip. I continue, trying to get her to understand, “I couldn’t remember everything. I knew we did… things… lots of things. But, I couldn’t remember how you got that shiner… and your face was so swollen.”
“You couldn’t remember? Tristan, it was a long night. You didn’t seem that drunk,” she argues, looking intently at me, waiting nervously for answers, answers to assuage all the painful memories.
“I didn’t think I was,” I confess. “Leah, I couldn’t… can’t… imagine ever hurting you… ever. I panicked when I saw how hurt you were. I hated that I might’ve been the cause… was the cause… now I guess I realize that it’s not always physical pain that hurts the most.”
“Why didn’t you just wake me up?”
“I don’t know. I have no idea. Like I said, I panicked. That morning, I saw how fucked up your face was, and I guess I just saw myself the way everyone else sees me… my Dad, Adrian, everyone… or the way I thought they saw me,” I correct, running my hands through my hair. “Turns out, I only saw what I wanted to see, and I saw myself as a poison to you, someone who could only continue to hurt you, infect you… someone who could destroy you. So, I left. I grabbed my shit and bolted.”
“Why didn’t you just call me? Stop in at Lucky Chuck’s?” she asks, folding her arms across her chest and accentuating her cleavage. Leah notices my eyes and pulls her sweater closed, rolling her eyes as she does so.
“I did… I stopped in two nights in a row, but you weren’t there,” I explain. “Mickie said you called off. Then, before I knew it, you told me… you said that…”
“…that you raped me,” Leah finishes the sentence, closing her eyes and shaking her head.
“I believed you. I figured I was that despicable person. Never once did I even question whether or not it happened. I’d seen your face. I remembered telling you to do things… things I wasn’t certain if you were into or not—”